The Yoruba Traditional Marriage – Part 2

THE ENGAGEMENT (Intro)

The engagement is the second stage, and it is the main Yoruba traditional wedding ceremony after the introduction. Read the first part of this article here.

It involves events that are marked by traditional rituals and customs that have been passed down through generations of the Yoruba people.

This second part of the yoruba traditional marriage is known as the “Igbeyawo” ceremony.

The Igbeyawo ceremony is typically held at a venue outside of the bride’s family home, such as a banquet hall or event centre.

The event takes place similarly to the introduction ceremony, but it is more elaborate and lengthier.

How long is a Yoruba traditional marriage, and how many people can attend?

While the introduction ceremony can be done with as few as ten people and in 2 hours, the engagement is a large ceremony that can have up to thousands of people and take a whole day.

This is because the engagement (Igbeyawo) is considered the actual marriage ceremony, where the bride price is paid, and the couple are considered fully married.

The Igbeyawo ceremony involves several traditional rituals and customs, including the exchange of vows, the tying of the knot, and the pouring of libation.

The knot is known as “Omo-Orun,” it involves tying a piece of cloth around the couple’s hands to symbolise their union.

The pouring of libation is a traditional Yoruba practice that involves pouring a small amount of palm wine on the ground to symbolise respect and gratitude to the ancestors.

This is usually followed by a prayer, led by the elderly members of the family, asking for the blessings of the ancestors on the couple.

Throughout the igbeyawo ceremony, music and dancing play a central role, spicing up the celebration.

A live band performs traditional Yoruba music, and guests joyfully dance and celebrate with the couple.

The event happens like a movie with lots of drama and fun.

You can watch The Wedding Party to catch a glimpse of something similar to what this article describes.

The Yoruba traditional marriage: Engagement events (Illustration)

It is done in different ways and styles. Still, one of the standard processes is the one where the intermediaries for the bride’s family and the groom’s family publicly interact, as depicted below:

When the groom arrives with his family, the alaga for the woman’s family firmly asks the man’s family to leave, implying that they are not looking for suitors.

The spokesperson for the groom’s family will respond by bursting out in a melancholic song to elicit pity from the guests and the bride’s family at large.

The lyrics of the song will talk about the fact that their son has been unable to eat and sleep ever since he set his eyes on the lady and how they have now travelled long distances, crossed many rivers, travelled through many forests, deserts, and land getting attacked by robbers losing almost everything just to come and get their ‘flower’.

The song is an exaggeration to make the lady’s family see how much they desire to have her.

After listening to their story (song), the alaga ijoko, who represents the voice of the bride’s family, will pretend to discuss with her people, trying to consider the man and decide if he is eligible enough for their daughter.

After this ‘very serious’ deliberation with significant people from the woman’s family, the alaga will address the man’s family again, asking them to come back some other time because the family is still contemplating whether to give out their daughter in marriage to them or not.

On hearing this, the alaga Iduro for the groom’s family will immediately begin to plead, reminding everyone that they came from a far distance, which might (or might not) be an exaggeration.

The man’s people keep pleading for mercy because they do not want to return home without getting what they came for, to avoid being ‘mocked’ by those at ‘home’.

The back and forth continues until the man’s people go to the door and come back immediately, pretending to have come back after months and plead for their wife again.

This process is repeated a few more times as much as time permits.

The man’s family will politely insist that their wife be given to them this time to avoid her being “snatched” by another man. They show their seriousness by saying they are ready to do anything to have their flower.

On hearing this, the alaga for the bride’s family deliberates with her people again and brings good news this time around.

The good news is short-lived as she tells them their request has been granted, but they must be patient because the lady has travelled out of the country.

This is immediately greeted with disapproval from the groom’s family, Alaga. She does not accept that because she sees this as a ploy to keep their ‘flower’ away from them.

The alaga Iduro pleads with the bride’s family again.

This time, the bride’s family’s spokesperson pretends to confirm their daughter’s arrival time from the country she went to. She then tells the man’s family that they must pay some dues necessary to pave the way for the lady’s arrival.

At this point, the groom is required to start bringing out money.

He will be asked to pay some money to be given to the little children in the bride’s family. This money proves he is capable enough to be a father and bless the little children to grow old and grow well like the lady he has come to marry.

The groom will also be asked to pay some money for the ‘wives’ in the lady’s family.

These wives, including the young married women in the lady’s family like the lady’s brother’s and uncles’ wives. According to the spokesperson, these wives are responsible for taking care of and running errands for the lady, even when inconvenient. So, the man has to appreciate them with some money.

After the money is paid, the man is still required to bring cash for other things, like money for some elders in the family – the progenitor of the lady’s family tree.

Depending on the family and the Yoruba tribe, different fees are demanded from the man. And they are not necessarily large sums of money especially considering the man’s financial status.

In some Yoruba tribes, the alaga ijoko also asks the man’s family to pay for the attire the bride will wear when her flight gets into the ‘country’ as she is not expected to be seen wearing the same clothes she had on inside the plane all through the journey.

Another expense for the man is a fee tagged ‘Iya gbo, baba gbo”, which means, ‘The mother and the father agree’.

This fee may or may not be a specific amount of money, but it is usually small.

The man’s family is also asked to pay for the lady’s ‘transportation fare.’

When all of this is done, the man’s seriousness is proven, and his family is then asked to sit back and relax as they wait for their ‘flower’ to arrive in the country.

An engagement letter from the man’s family, known as the “proposal letter”, is brought forward to the bride’s family and read to the hearing of all.

The man’s family is then asked to produce the one amongst them who intends to ‘pluck’ and ‘nurture’ the ‘flower’.

Amidst singing and dancing, the man is ushered forward, and his spokesperson (alaga Iduro) introduces him and his family.

The spokesperson for the bride’s family comes forward to scrutinise the man and see if he appears fit. She may try to discredit his appearance or question his ability to care for their daughter. This, again, is, of course, an exaggeration to add fun and beauty to the event.

The man is asked to prove his capability by performing physical exercises to display his strength. This confirms that the man can adequately defend and protect the lady and fend for her.

Next, the man is asked to come forward with his friends and greet his future in-laws appropriately.

At a signal by the alaga ijoko, the groom, his friends, and entourage prostrate fully before the lady’s family. They do this repeatedly, as often as asked, until they have done it perfectly.

The alaga ijoko then takes the man to the bride’s family and introduces him to them, asking if they accept him.

When they approve, she announces to everyone seated that the man has been accepted as their son-in-law.

This announcement is greeted by cheering from everyone present, and the man is ushered to a seat prepared for him and his bride.

A young girl from the bride’s family comes forward to read the “acceptance letter”, which is a response to the “proposal letter” that was read earlier on from the man’s family.

After a few minutes, the alaga ijoko announces after a brief meeting with her people that the bride has landed in the country and will be seen shortly.

This brings about excitement from the groom’s family, and they are asked to put down some more money to hasten the bride’s arrival, which they happily do.

A lady is then ushered in, heavily covered with clothing that hides her face from public view.

The ‘wives’ in the lady’s family sing and cheer as they lead her in. 

There is much singing and dancing as the alaga ijoko asks the alaga Iduro from the man’s family to come and confirm that this is the bride they came for.

The spokesperson for the man’s family (the alaga Iduro) approaches the lady and gently removes her veil, then announces to everyone gathered that this is not the ‘flower’ they travelled distances to pluck.

She is immediately apologised to by the spokesperson from the lady’s family, claiming a mix-up.

The man’s family is then asked to pay more money to see their real bride because their daughter is not cheap and has been heavily invested since infancy.

The man and his friends are asked to pay for the financial investments made in the lady’s education right from infancy to the stage she is at. They are also invited to pay for the things she had damaged in the house while growing up, among other payments.

When the alaga ijoko is satisfied with the money paid, she announces the bride will be brought in.

But only by first asking for her transport fare and money for the hotel she is lodging in.

Now, the real wife is brought in, dressed in her beautiful aso oke, matching with her husband-to-be. She is ushered in by singing, dancing, and great cheering with young ladies who are her escorts. She is also veiled completely to hide her face from everyone.

She dances towards her man, fully covered and sits beside him, and he escorts return to their seats.

When the dancing and cheering die, the alaga ijoko asks the man to pay for the veil to be taken off his wife’s face.

This time, because the man and his family are convinced that the lady under the cover is their bride, they pay the money willingly.

After this, the man is asked to remove the veil from the lady’s face. He does this, and everyone cheers, confirming that she is the right one and that his ‘flower’ was delivered to him after all the stress.

The new couple is then asked to dance towards the man’s family first and then to the lady’s family for prayers.

The bride and groom’s parents each pray for the couple and embrace them.

Once the prayers are done, the groom’s family present the bride price and dowry containing everything on the bride price list from the bride’s family.

More prayers are made and followed by dancing, eating, merriment, and fun.

The process is long and exhausting sometimes, but only some parts are compulsory.

It promotes unity and showcases culture, and everyone enjoys the drama.

Overall, the Yoruba traditional wedding ceremony is a beautiful and meaningful event steeped in tradition and culture. It is a celebration of love, family, and community, and it serves as a reminder of the rich cultural heritage of the Yoruba people.

Frequently Asked Questions:

1. What is the second stage of a Yoruba traditional wedding after the introduction?
Answer: The second stage of a Yoruba traditional wedding is known as the “Igbeyawo” ceremony, which is the main traditional wedding ceremony. It involves traditional rituals and customs and is typically held at a venue outside the bride’s family home, such as a banquet hall or event centre.

2. How long does a Yoruba traditional marriage last, and how many people can attend?
Answer: The Yoruba traditional marriage, particularly the engagement ceremony (Igbeyawo), can last a whole day. The event can accommodate a large number of people, with some ceremonies having up to thousands of attendees. However, the exact duration and guest count may vary depending on the families and their preferences.

3. What are some of the traditional rituals performed during the Yoruba engagement ceremony?
Answer: During the Yoruba engagement ceremony, several traditional rituals take place. These include the exchange of vows, the tying of the knot known as “Omo-Orun,” and the pouring of libation. The pouring of libation is a practice to show respect and gratitude to the ancestors. Music, dancing, and dramatic gestures play a central role in adding spice and excitement to the celebration.

4. How is the bride revealed during the Yoruba engagement ceremony?
Answer: The bride is initially brought in heavily covered with clothing, and her face is hidden from public view. The groom’s family is then asked to pay a sum of money to see their real bride, as there might be a mix-up. Once the payments are settled, the real bride is brought in, dressed beautifully in aso oke, and matches with the groom. The groom removes the veil from the bride’s face in front of everyone, confirming her as the rightful bride.

5. What is the significance of the bride price/dowry in a traditional Yoruba wedding?
Answer: The bride price and dowry are essential elements of the Yoruba traditional wedding ceremony. They symbolize the groom’s commitment to caring for the bride and demonstrate his ability to provide for her. The bride price or dowry, presented by the groom’s family, includes gifts and monetary offerings, known as the dowry represents the investment made in the bride’s upbringing and education. In some yoruba tribes, this money is returned to the groom, signifying that they are not selling their daughter. These elements serve to strengthen family bonds and showcase cultural traditions.