The Yoruba traditional marriage is a beautiful and meaningful event that happens in stages, with the Yoruba engagement ceremony, known as ‘Igbeyawo,’ being one of the most important. This celebration is filled with rituals and customs passed down through generations, making it a truly special occasion.

The Igbeyawo usually happens at a venue outside the bride’s home. But before this big day, there’s an introduction ceremony called “Idana,” where the families meet and might even pick a date for the engagement.

The engagement ceremony is a crucial event that blesses the couple’s relationship and helps build a strong foundation for their marriage. During this ceremony, families come together to talk about the couple’s future, exchange gifts, and perform rituals that are believed to bring blessings to their union.

These days, both families often work together to plan the event. The bride’s family usually picks the venue and chooses the traditional outfits. Once everything is decided, invitations are sent out, and both families share the costs.

In this article, we’ll explain the main parts of a traditional Yoruba engagement ceremony so you can really understand and appreciate this beautiful tradition.

The Importance of the Yoruba Engagement Ceremony

The Yoruba engagement ceremony isn’t just a celebration—it’s a combination of spiritual and social significance. It’s also a formal way for both families to approve the marriage, with rituals that symbolize commitment, unity, and mutual respect.

Key Elements of the Yoruba Engagement Ceremony

The key elements that makes up the Yoruba engagement ceremony are:

1. Households

Marriage in Yoruba culture isn’t just about the couple—it’s a union of two households. The engagement ceremony celebrates this union, laying a foundation of respect and mutual support.

The ceremony usually kicks off with the formal introduction of the families. The groom’s family arrives at the bride’s home or another chosen venue, bringing gifts as a sign of respect. The bride’s family spokesperson, called the Alága ìjókòó, warmly welcomes them. Elders from both families exchange greetings and share their hopes for the couple’s future.

2. The Extended Family

The extended family plays a huge role in Yoruba culture. They help plan the ceremony by contributing gifts, and showing that the marriage has the full backing of the entire family and community.

During the ceremony, they offer prayers, advice, and blessings, surrounding the couple with love and support. Their involvement in symbolic acts, like presenting gifts or reading the proposal letter, emphasizes the couple’s commitment to unity and togetherness—key values in Yoruba culture.

3. The Alága ìdúró and Alága ìjókòó

Two important figures guide the ceremony, they are the:

Alága ìdúró: The Groom’s Family Spokesperson

Alága ìjókòó: The Bride’s Family Spokesperson and Ceremony Coordinator

The Flow of the Yoruba Traditional Engagement Ceremony

The Yoruba engagement ceremony is packed with traditions and rituals that make it both meaningful and a lot of fun. Let me take you through how this lively event usually goes:

When the groom’s family arrives, the Alága ìjókòó, who’s the bride’s family spokesperson, might jokingly ask them to leave, pretending that the bride’s family isn’t interested in any suitors. It’s all in good fun and sets the tone for what’s coming.

Then, the Alága ìdúró (spokesperson for the groom’s family) sings a sad song, trying to get everyone’s sympathy by saying how their son hasn’t eaten or slept since meeting the bride. They even claim they’ve traveled far, crossing mountains and valleys, just to ask for her hand.

The fun really kicks off with some playful negotiations as the bride’s family pretends to decide whether the groom is worthy. The groom’s family begs them to agree, but before they do, the bride’s family asks for some payments from the groom, which have to be placed into three bowls at the entrance.

Here’s where it gets really entertaining. The Alága ìjókòó, who’s always ready with a joke, asks the groom’s family members to line up and drop money into the bowls before they’re allowed to enter. She keeps everyone laughing by sharing a funny memory from her school days when she would answer, “Present Ma!” during roll call.

Now, each family member has to do the same when they drop their money into the bowls. It starts with the groom’s father, who says “Present Ma!” before dropping his money. Then the groom’s mother, siblings, friends, and other well-wishers follow, all while the Alága ìjókòó sings and the dùndún talking drum plays along. Here’s how it plays out:

Song Texts and Translation:

Alága ìjókòó: Babaoko

Groom’s Father: Present Ma

Alága ìjókòó: Iya oko

Groom’s Mother: Present Ma

Alága ìjókòó: Egbon oko

Groom’s Elder Brothers and Sisters: Present Ma

Alága ìjókòó: Aburo oko

Groom’s Younger Brothers and Sisters: Present Ma

Everyone drops money into a bowl before entering. Once the payments are made, the groom’s family presents an engagement letter, or “proposal letter,” to the bride’s family, officially asking for her hand. This playful exchange creates a festive and joyful vibe.

Then comes the big moment—the groom is introduced, but he has to prove he’s worthy. Sometimes, this means he has to do exercises to show his strength and readiness. After that, he and his friends greet the bride’s family by prostrating, which is a traditional sign of respect.

Finally, the bride makes her entrance, veiled and surrounded by singing and dancing. The groom pays one last fee to remove her veil, and when he does, everyone cheers, confirming that she’s the bride he’s been waiting for.

The Eru Iyawo (Yoruba Engagement List)

One of the most exciting parts of a Yoruba engagement ceremony is the presentation of the engagement list. This list includes all sorts of items that show the groom’s commitment to his bride and her family. Let’s break down what’s usually on that list:

1. Suitcase, Clothing, and Fabrics

The suitcase is packed with clothes and fabrics, showing that the groom can provide for his bride. Inside, you might find traditional Yoruba attire like Aso Oke or Ankara. These materials aren’t just for the bride—they’re sometimes for her family too! The suitcase is like a symbol of wealth, saying, “Hey, I’m ready to take care of my bride.”

2. Big Tubers of Yam

Yam is a big deal in Yoruba culture. It stands for prosperity and fertility, so the groom gives big tubers of yam to show he wants a prosperous and fruitful marriage. Yams also represent hard work, something really important in marriage.

3. Authentic Orogbo (Bitter Kolas)

Orogbo, or bitter kola, is all about endurance and longevity—two things you definitely want in a marriage. The bitter taste is a reminder that life, like marriage, can have its tough moments, but with patience, the couple can get through anything.

4. Authentic Obi Abata (Kolanuts)

Kolanuts are super important in Yoruba culture. They’re used to pray for blessings, peace, and prosperity. During the engagement ceremony, the families share kolanuts to show unity and respect. It’s a way of saying, “We’re in this together.”

5. Aadun

Aadun is a traditional Yoruba snack made from cornmeal, palm oil, and sometimes sugar. It’s a sweet touch to the ceremony, symbolizing joy and celebration. It’s not just a tasty treat—it represents happiness in the marriage.

6. Assorted Fruits

Fruits like oranges, bananas, and pineapples are on the list to represent fertility, health, and abundance. They also show that the groom’s family wishes the couple a fruitful and healthy life together.

7. Coconuts

Coconuts are all about purity, resilience, and the sweetness of life. A coconut has many uses, just like how a marriage should be versatile and strong. It’s a reminder to the couple to be adaptable and resourceful.

8. Food Stuffs like Rice, Sugar, Non-perishable Food

Staple foods like rice, sugar, and other non-perishables are included so the couple starts their life together with plenty to eat and share. These items show that the groom is ready to provide for his bride and their home.

9. Bible for Christians and Quran for Muslims and Other Religious Items

The Bible or Quran highlights the spiritual side of the marriage. For Christians, the Bible symbolizes living by God’s word. For Muslims, items like a veil, tesbir (prayer beads), kettle, and praying mat remind the couple of the importance of faith in their union.

10. Engagement Ring for the Bride

The engagement ring is a universal sign of love and commitment. It’s the groom’s promise to marry the bride and build a life with her. The ring is something the bride will wear every day, reminding her of their bond.

11. Umbrella

An umbrella might seem simple, but it’s a big deal. It stands for protection and shelter, symbolizing the groom’s promise to protect his bride from life’s storms and keep her safe.

12. Set of Dishes

A set of dishes symbolizes the couple’s readiness to build a home together. They represent hospitality and the sharing of meals, which are super important in Yoruba family life.

13. Cartons of Bottled Water

Bottled water is included as a symbol of purity and refreshment. It shows the groom’s wish for a clean and healthy life for the couple. Water is essential for life, and its inclusion reflects the importance of health in the marriage.

14. Palm Wine

Palm wine is a traditional drink often used in ceremonies. It stands for joy and celebration. During the engagement, it’s shared among the families as a sign of unity and happiness.

15. Snacks

Snacks like chin-chin, puff-puff, and buns add flavor to the ceremony. These treats symbolize the sweetness and enjoyment the couple will share in their marriage.

16. Atare (African Alligator Peppers)

Atare, or African alligator pepper, is used in prayers and rituals to invoke blessings and protection. Its fiery nature represents the passion and energy that will fuel the couple’s marriage.

17. Bottles of Honey

Honey is a symbol of sweetness, love, and happiness. Including honey in the engagement list is a wish for the couple to experience a sweet and joyful life together.

18. Jewelry

Jewelry symbolizes wealth, beauty, and status. The groom gives jewelry to the bride as a sign of his love and admiration. The jewelry, often made from precious metals, is a treasured gift for the bride.

19. Shoes

Shoes are included to signify the couple’s journey together. They represent the path they will walk as husband and wife, supporting each other along the way.

20. Kitchen Utensils

Kitchen utensils are practical gifts that symbolize the couple’s readiness to start a home. They represent the daily activities of cooking and sharing meals, central to family life.

21. Perfumes and Toiletries (Optional)

Perfumes and toiletries represent personal care and attention to detail. They symbolize the groom’s desire to keep his bride feeling fresh, pampered, and cherished.

22. Owo Ori (Bride Price or Bride’s Dowry)

Owo Ori, the bride price, is a significant part of the ceremony. It’s a symbolic payment from the groom to the bride’s family, showing his appreciation and commitment to her.

23. Cash Envelopes

Cash envelopes are used to fulfill various financial obligations during the ceremony. These include:

Owo Ikanlekun (Entrance Fee): A fee paid by the groom’s family upon entering the bride’s home.

Owo Omo Ile Okunrin: Money given to the young men of the bride’s family.

Owo Omo Ile Obinrin: Money given to the ladies and women of the bride’s family.

Owo Iyawo Ile: Money given to the wives in the bride’s family.

Owo Omo Ile (Money for the Children of the Household): Money given to the children of the bride’s household.

Owo Ijoko Agba: Money reserved for the elders of the bride’s family.

Owo Baba Gbo: A fee paid to ask for the father’s consent.

Owo Iya Gbo: A fee paid to ask for the mother’s consent.

Owo Aeroplane (Bride Transportation Fee): A fee paid to cover the cost of transporting the bride.

Owo Isigba: A fee paid before the bride’s family opens and inspects the gifts brought by the groom’s family.

Owo Isiju Iyawo: A fee paid for unveiling the bride.

Owo Alága ìjókòóóó: Money given to the Alága ìjókòóóó for her role in coordinating the ceremony.

Owo Letter Kika (Letter Reading Fee): Money given to the person who reads the proposal letter.

24. Drinks and Beverages

Drinks and beverages ensure that all guests are refreshed during the ceremony. They represent the couple’s hospitality and generosity.

25. Gifts for Family Members

Gifts for family members show appreciation and gratitude. These gifts symbolize the bond between the two families and their support for the couple.

26. Traditional Accessories

Traditional accessories like Ipele (sash), Gele (head tie), and Iborun (shawl) celebrate Yoruba cultural heritage. These items enhance the bride’s appearance and are worn during the engagement ceremony.

27. Special Requests

Special requests are unique items that may be asked for by the bride’s family. These reflect their specific desires or cultural practices and are usually agreed upon before the ceremony.

Attire for the Yoruba Engagement Ceremony

When it comes to the Yoruba engagement ceremony, the attire is not just about looking good; it’s about celebrating culture and tradition in the most colorful way possible. Both the bride and groom wear matching native outfits called “Aso Oke,” which are always beautifully made to look elegant and special.

The bride’s outfit, known as “Iro and Buba,” is a traditional Yoruba dress that’s tailored to make her shine on her big day. She tops it off with a large head wrap called “Gele,” which is like the crown of her outfit. She doesn’t stop there—she adds beads, bangles, a gold necklace, and earrings, all carefully matched with her shoes and purse. Every part of her look is chosen to make her feel like the star of the day.

The groom isn’t left out when it comes to style. He wears an “Agbada,” which is a grand, flowing gown made from the same Aso Oke material as the bride’s outfit. To complete his look, he puts on a matching cap, stylish shoes, and sometimes even beads and a wristwatch.

The richness of their outfits can often reflect the couple’s wealth, but even if they’re on a budget, their wedding attire is always a step above their everyday clothes. They make sure their look is unique and memorable.

Family members and close friends also join the celebration by wearing clothes that either match or complement the colors chosen by the bride and groom. Sometimes, they even wear the same material and color to show their unity and support for the couple. It’s a beautiful way to connect everyone on this special day!

Aṣọ Ẹbi Gang

When you go to a Yoruba engagement ceremony, one of the first things you’ll notice is the Aṣọ Ẹbi gang. Picture this: a whole group of people—family and close friends—all dressed in the same vibrant fabric. It’s like a wave of matching colors and patterns, and it’s not just about looking good; it’s about showing off unity and love.

The term “Aṣọ Ẹbi” means “family cloth.” It’s a tradition where everyone connected to the bride or groom wears the same outfit to show their support and connection to the couple. It’s like saying, “We’re all in this together!”

The fabric can be anything from Ankara to Aso Oke, and it’s usually chosen by the bride and groom. While the design of the fabric might be the same, each person gets to put their own spin on it—some might make a dress, others a blouse and skirt, and some men might go for a shirt or even an Agbada.

The Aṣọ Ẹbi gang adds a burst of color to the event, making everything feel more festive. You can easily tell who’s with the bride and who’s with the groom just by looking at their outfits. But it’s not just about fashion; it’s a way to show that everyone is coming together to celebrate the couple’s love.

Wearing Aṣọ Ẹbi is also a sign of respect and togetherness. It shows that you’re not just there to watch the ceremony—you’re part of the family, part of the celebration, and part of the joy that’s being shared. Plus, it makes for some amazing group photos!

Traditional Engagement Ceremony and Variations

The Yoruba engagement ceremony is often followed by a white wedding, especially for Christian families. Some couples choose to have the traditional engagement ceremony a weekend or two before the white wedding, making it a double celebration.

For Muslim families, the engagement might be followed by special prayers from Islamic scholars and religious leaders. Some couples also decide to visit the registry a day or two before the traditional engagement, just to make everything official.

After the ceremonies, the celebrations continue with a reception featuring the cutting of a big cake, lots of food, drinks, and merriment.

Frequently Asked Questions

What role does music play in a Yoruba engagement ceremony?

Music is like the heartbeat of a Yoruba engagement ceremony! It brings the whole event to life and keeps everyone in a joyful mood. Traditional drummers play the “talking drum,” which isn’t just a regular drum—it can actually “talk” by sending messages through its beats.

Why is dancing so important at the engagement ceremony?

Dancing is super important because it’s how everyone shows their happiness and excitement. Throughout the ceremony, you’ll see the couple, their families, and even the guests break into dance.

When the groom’s family arrives or when the bride makes her entrance, people start dancing to celebrate these special moments. The dance moves are often traditional and have been passed down through generations, making it an interesting way to connect with the culture and each other.

How have Yoruba engagement ceremonies changed in modern times?

While the engagement ceremony is still rooted in tradition, there are definitely some modern twists! For example, while traditional Aso Oke clothing is still popular, some couples choose more modern fabrics or add a trendy touch to their outfits. The ceremony itself might be shorter, and you might even see a DJ or live band playing both traditional and modern music, mixing the old with the new.

Do couples still follow all the traditional customs?

Many couples still keep the important customs, but they often make the ceremony fit their own style. Instead of a long list of traditional items, some couples simplify things or add modern gifts.

The ceremony might also take place in a fancy venue instead of the bride’s family home. Some families mix in elements from their religious or cultural backgrounds, creating a unique celebration that’s just right for them.